great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
