i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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