it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
