I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
