Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
