Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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