He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
