why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
