who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
