I heard we made out
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
