Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
