He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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