Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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