Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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