I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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