dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
