you traded sex for a burrito?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
