Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
