some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
