Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
