Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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