I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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