drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
