Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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