you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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