Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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