toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
