So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
