So many bounce houses so little time
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
