I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
