woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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