So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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