New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
