I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
