PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
