so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
