The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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