I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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