Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
