I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
