She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
