YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
