Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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