Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
