This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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