lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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