youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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