my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love having hate sex.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
