i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
