Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
